Past imperfect, Future tense!!

Truth is stranger than fiction, they say. Well, i couldn't agree more.
Its a wierd life man! I mean, do we really know where we are going or what we are doing. When you are a kid you want to be something outrageous like an Astronaut. Then, as you grow up, as "reality" sets in, you realize that being an Astronaut is hardly going to work out, and even if it could work out, it doesn't make much sense.
As you grow up a little more, you get a more clear idea of what normally normal people "can be" and what they "can't be", like my previous example of the Astronaut. Then there is one more concept of what you "want to be". Now some of us, I would not call those people normally normal, if you'd pardon my grammar, they know what they want to be. Its as clear to them as a 20 size Times New Roman font line. They are the blessed ones. They are IN THE KNOW, in a manner of speaking. God has come to them in the night or during a moment of inspiration one day and whispered in their ear-" Son, this is what you are going to do, go get it tiger!!".
But for the rest of us, the MERE MORTALS, if I might call ourselves that, life is a constant struggle to find out what we want to do. Sometimes I feel that if I just 'knew' what I wanted to do, I would go right after it. But guess what, that ain't gonna happen. No sirreee.
For us poor,sodden, forgotten by God, misguided, aimless souls, Its more like an iteration, where one tries to pre-guess that this would be the right thing to do, then finds some problem mid-way or sees some body else doing something else and thinks to himself/herself-"
Now why in God's name am I not doing THAT? "
And so starts another round of introspection. Now you know that this is what you think you want to do, atleast for the time being. But it's not like you really "know" , is it? It's a vague gut feeling, at best. Whatever, you think to yourself, a vague gut feeling is better than no feeling at all. So you start, saying - "bacha lena ooparwaale!!" and lo behold! before you know it, you are in the queue.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, this other very unwelcome thought pops up-" what if I don't do this well? And by well I don't mean reasonably well. I mean out of the roof, through the window Earth Shattering well. What would that mean? "
Then this other voice, might be God, might be somebody inside yourself, would reply, or SHOUT is more like it-" Of Course, you Nitwit, this means that you were not meant to be doing this in the first place ! Ha ha, fooled you! what did you think, doing what you want to do is sooooo easy? Then you got another think coming my son."
And so you are back in the same place where you started from. Who was it who said that the more things change, the more they remain the same? Maybe I should consult him.
Maybe there's a reason why I don't know what I want to do. Now I have not the first clue what it might be. But maybe the higher powers do not want me to know. Maybe I was meant to be a Farmer, or a worker, its just that I dont know it, huh?
There is a reason why they say ignorance is bliss. So why to trouble myself with the "light of knowledge"? It might be just a harsh glare, for all I know.
Meanwhile , let me enjoy my ignorance, which right now, is as close to bliss as it can get. :-)